Little Liar
by SAM-seddie-FREDDIE
Summary: "...He grabbed my wrists. I gasped in pain. He got panicked. 'What? What happened' He asked, worried. 'It's.. It's nothing'..." Tells the story of Sam's hard life. Mother, School, Friends, Father, Freddie. M for sexual scenes and language. Contains: Cutting, smoking, lemoning, loving.
1. Prologue

**LITTLE LIAR  
Chapter 1- Prilogue  
I do not own iCarly.**

I felt his tongue against mine. His lips moved with a perfect coordination with my lips. We fought for dominance for already 15 minutes. He leaned more and pushed me on the sofa. I felt his hand on my higher thigh, sliding slowly and dangerously to the right spot.  
That was when I stopped it. No way I'm going serious with this dude. What his name anyway? Jack? Max?  
'It's getting late. Mom will kill my guts' I mumbled and he just kept with his work.  
When he got to my collar bone it was too much. 'Hey dude, I said something' I said, pushing him off of me.  
I just walked out of the tiny apartment, saying 'don't call me'. Mama's not strong with relations.  
On my way back home I walked in the park, because it was a big short. It was pretty dark and empty. Except one person who sat on a bench. When I walked next to him I suddenly saw his face in the light of the street light. It was Freddie's face. But my body reacted slowly than my brain and it took me a few more steps to turn around and look at him.  
'Hello there Fred-nub' I greeted.  
'Not in a mood, Puckett' he answered bitterly.  
'Woh, just don't kill me Mr. bitterface' I said and sat next to him.  
'Another fight with Crazy?' I said, amused.  
' No". He simply said.  
'Don't lie to me Benson".  
'Where are you coming from?' he asked.  
'Cousin' I said.  
'Don't lie to me Puckett'. I smiled to this one.  
Freddie and I developed a special friendship. My job is to make his life miserable. Living hell. His job is to shut up and be pretty. Our both job is to be there for each other at the serious times in life. It doesn't show up often, but when it does, it worth it.  
'What the fight was about?' I asked.  
'Another anger and anxiety attack. She just refuses to get the fact I'm almost 18' he said, looking down to his hands, shaking his right leg. He does that when he's nervous.  
'Where have you been?' He looked at me for the first time this evening.  
'Stupid guy' I said simply.  
'Stop it Sam". He said emphatically.  
'Who refuses to get ages now huh Benson?' I said emphatically back.  
'You're barely 17. And there's a lot of difference between not doing my homework or getting shower, and opening your legs for every stranger'.  
'Shut the fuck up' I said angrily.  
After a few more moments he looked at me, took my hand to his, and forced me to look into his eyes.  
'You know I'm just worried right? You're important to me Sam' He said honestly.  
'Oh shut your crap. I lived my whole life without a father, I don't need one now'.  
'Maybe you do need one' he said.  
'Fuck you' I said, starting to walk back home.  
The boy can piss my nerves. I'll kill him or myself one day, I swear.

I opened the door of my house the quietest I could so my mom won't hear and freak out.  
She's not a bad person, I really believe it, but when she gets angry, well, she just doesn't know how to deal with it. She never had a mom to see how she's acting. So I can't blame her for what she's doing in 100 percents. But it took me a lot of time and lessons to figure that out. I hated her for years. Now I'm just pity her.  
When I came in, I walked on my toes so my mom won't hear, but I suddenly saw her sitting on the couch in the dark. _Crap_. She came closer to me. Too close.  
'Where have you been, little whore?' She asked bitterly.  
'Carly's' I said quietly.  
'I called Carly. She had no idea where the heck are you'. _Crap_.  
'Where have you been, little liar?' She asked with a smile.  
'A boy' I whispered.  
'WHERE?' She asked again.  
'A boy' I said louder. Suddenly, from nowhere, she gave me a hard slap right on the cheek.  
My eyes filled up with tears.  
'Go to your room little fucker'.  
I ran to my room, closed the door and burst into tears. What made me a little calm is the fact that this situation hasn't left any marks or something visible. Freddie would notice. And Freddie is my worst nightmare in this kind of things. If he will know... I'm dead.

After showering and preparing to bed, I heard the vibration, announcing I have 1 new message.  
I looked at my phone. It was from Freddie. I opened it.  
_'Still mad?'_ it said.  
_'You already know the answer Benson.'_ I replayed.  
After a minute I got another message.  
_'Forgive me? Please? I was mad because of my mom'__  
'Just, y'know, try not to be a jerk from now on and we'll settle this down?'_ I answered his text.  
_'Promise, princess. Good night'_ he texted.  
_'Night'_ I replayed.

The next day I woke up early to leave home as early as I can because I just didn't have the power to deal with my mom. I got dressed, ready to go to Carly's, but when I was about to go out, my mom showed up, and her face was furious. I started to be scared. Suddenly she pulled behind her back Marlboro cigarette packet. _Oh shit. Fuck. Crap. Damnit. _I'm totally dead now.  
'What the fuck is this?' She screamed, coming closer to me.  
I closed my eyes very tight, excepting for the hit to come. But it never came. I opened my eyes to see her exactly where she was before I closed them.  
'I- I .. It's n-not mine' I said quietly.  
' So who's that is huh?' she screamed.  
'M-Mandy's' I said.  
'Don't lie to mammy, little liar'. That was her name for me. She always called me that.  
She threw the cigarettes on me. 'I wish you would die from those cigarettes, and then you'll understand how stupid you are. And don't you dare lying to me again, little liar' she said, and with that she left.  
I took the cigarettes from the floor; I put it in my bag pack. I went to my room, took Freddie's laptop charger he forgot here, and went to Carly's.  
This is a disaster. I can't believe my mom found out. Well, it's not like I'm addicted or something. I started last year, with Mandy. One day she took me behind school and told me she has something to tell me. I just waited her to open her mouth, but she was quiet, until she took her bag pack, opened it, and showed me a cigarettes packet. It started with a drag over here, a drag over there. Nothing big. But with the time it started to be a whole cigarette in a day, two cigarettes, and so on. So I just half lied. It was Mandy's. But half mine, too.  
I never, never smoked in public. I hate the people who do that. I really and truly enjoy the feeling. And anyway, I do that just with my real close friends. My best friends. But Carly and Freddie. They will never know. Carly will be mad at me if she'd know. And Freddie would be disappointed. That's a lot worse. He has a kind of thought that a person who's smoking got to be a trailed, weak, no backbone, and no opinion. It's a bunch of crap if you ask me.

I opened Carly's door. 'Hello everyone' I greeted, to see just Freddie and Spencer staring the TV like two zombies.  
'Hello?' I reputed slowly. Freddie just made a little 'hello' and Spencer made a 'SHHHH' noise.  
'Whatever. Where's Carly?' I asked.  
'Not here' Freddie mumbled, and Spencer made his 'SHHHHH' again.  
'No shit, captain obvious' I mumbled as I went to the kitchen, looking for some food.  
In the middle of my bacon breakfast, I heard a few desperate sighs and then Spencer was gone and Freddie showed here next to me, in the kitchen.  
'Ok what the fuck?' I asked, confused.  
'Nuhh.. Spencer and I watched X Factor, when the TV stopped working. So Spencer went to see it somewhere else and I came here. Oh and Carly went to Gibby's. I'm not sure why. He said it's super important' he said simply.  
'Oh right' I said, and kept eating.

_**'She said "baby, get down on your knees**__**  
I said "babe if you insist"  
She said "why do you keep seeing things you know that don't exist" '  
**_

Everything was calm and quiet. Every one of us did what he did.  
I ate, and Freddie was in his laptop.  
'Sam, did you get my laptop charger?' He asked.  
'Yep' I answered simply.  
'I guess you won't get up and bring me it, where is it?' He asked.  
'Bag' I said.  
He got up to my bag, opened it, and started looking for his stupid charger.  
I heard him chocking up._Crap_.  
My eyes went widen.  
'What the fuck is that?' He asked.  
'What is what, Benson' I asked with poker face. But inside I was nervous as hell.

_**' I said "baby, I love you, what can I do  
I'll probably love you till the day I die"  
She said "well pretty honey, if that's true than give me both them, pretty eyes" '  
**_  
'What are those cigarettes?' He asked angrily.  
'None of your business, douche bag' I said.  
'Are you smoking Sam?' He asked loudly.  
'No Freddie, Relax! Those are not mine!' I answered.  
'Sam, I'm not stupid, why would you have a cigarettes packet if you're not smoking' He said.  
'I'm not! Leave me alone!' I said, trying to take the cigarettes from him.  
'I though you're better than THAT' he said, looking at the cigarettes in his hand.  
'I. Am. Not. Smoking. Dumbass.'  
He grabbed my wrists so he could pull me closer. I gasped in pain. He got panicked.  
'What? What happened?' He asked, worried.  
'It's.. It's nothing'. _Crap. Real Crap now.  
_'What do you mean "nothing"? You just gasped in pain' he said.  
Quiet.  
He took my hand carefully. I tried to take my hand back. But he holds it still.  
'Damn Freddie, leave it' I said.  
He took my sleeve up, exposing my right wrist, exposing my scars and scratches. They're old. Not too old for him to be mad or worried or for them to hurt, but pretty old.  
'What the fuck Sam.' He looked in my eyes. So deep in my eyes. Too deep in my eyes.  
I took my hand from him quickly.  
'Sam, why are you doing this?' He asked.  
'Doing what' I said. My mask wasn't going to go off. I can't control it in that kind of situation anymore. I'll stay Sam Puckett, no chance to see me crying, no chance to confess the truth. For better and worse.  
He did nothing. He was quiet.  
_'Why are you cutting yourself Sam?'_

_**' I said "baby, you can have them - you can have my eyes"  
See, I was thinking if she took them I won't see her lies  
But my baby, I can taste her lies.'**_

* * *

**A\N- 'Her Lies- Asaf Avidan'. Very recommended. Very very.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	2. Cuts And Conversations

Chapter II- Cuts And Conversation  
I do not own iCarly.

* * *

Everything was fast. They sat, calm, doing their business. Then he found her cigarettes, and then it was too fast. One second they were talking about the cigarettes, one second they were talking about the cuts. Sam was shocked. She never ever though this conversation is going to happen. It was only her worst nightmares.

SPOV  
He saw my scars. Freddie saw my scars. I'm dead. Now he'll ask a lot of questions I don't want to answer. I know Freddie will take it very bad. If it's up to him, we can sit here for days, "talking about it".  
My toes are freaking burning up. I have a thing. Every time I'm excited, or nervous, or shocked, my toes hurt.  
_'Why are you cutting yourself Sam?' _Damn, he's keeping with those stupid questions. I don't want to talk right now. The truth is, I'm dying to go to the fire escape and smoke. Too ironic.  
Quiet. Pure quiet.  
'Sam. I saw your scars… You're harming yourself.' _Smart boy._  
'You don't care about the freaking cigarettes, huh?' I asked.  
_Smart girl._ Of course he doesn't.  
'I do. But less than the fact my best friend is cutting herself and worst- never told me'.  
'Freddie, listen. You know what you need to know. Trust me that if you'll need to know something, you'll know it. That's how I work.'  
'But that's not how I work! I don't think it's unnecessary for me to know you're smoking, or… cutting.' He was hard to say this. The "You're cutting" thing. I'm sorry for him. I think I should give him a few explanations.  
'Ok, want to know why, I'll tell you why. But don't blame me for shocking you or something. Well, it's simple. I love it. Like the way you love ice-cream? So I love…this'. I said, pointing my hand.  
'But why? What happened? Why?' He looked broken when he said it. I think I'm really hurting him. Screw everything. I'm not going to hurt him.  
'I'll stop Freddie.' I said immediately. Something lit up in his eyes. I'm not going to stop. But he'll never know about it.  
'You know I'll never judge you, right Sam?' He asked me. Silly Freddie. He really and truly doesn't understand.  
'I know you won't judge me, and I know I can trust you.'  
'So which reason in world you have for not telling me?' He cut me off.  
'It's easy. You'll be disappointed.' I said sadly.  
'Why would I?' He asked me.  
'Sam Puckett is cutting herself. It's vulnerable. It's a weakness.'

My words echoed the room. Everything was quiet. He didn't open his mouth. He knew I was right. I just slowly took my things, my cigarettes, opened the door and before closing I looked at his face. He looked defeated. I closed the door.

**A\N****  
****Sorry it was short. Just had a feeling it needs to stop here.  
Next chapter will be longer, and better.****  
****Thanks for reading !**


	3. Smoothies and Cheats

**Chapter III- Smoothies and Cheats  
I do not own iCarly.**

* * *

I walked through the doors of the school. I had zero power to deal with school now. The fight with Freddie absolutely emptied my chargers.  
I went to my locker, where I saw Freddie and Carly talking.  
'Hey there Carlotta, hey Fredwad' I said.  
'Hello Sam!' Carly said enthusiastically.  
'Hey' Freddie simply said.  
'I didn't manage to get a breakfast today. I'm going to buy something, someone wants something?' Carly asked.  
'Sandwich' I said, and with that she left.  
'Hey Sam' Freddie said, grabbing my hand and pulling me closer.  
'I'm sorry, let's put it behind us. I was frustrated.' He said quietly into my ear.  
'Of course Freddie' I said, well, because the truth is I was dying to forget about it all.  
'Let's go its math class' he said and we went to class.

OoOoOoO

'So when I told him that, he just stood there with all of the people staring at him  
and started to cry!' I said loudly. Freddie and I were cracking up about a boy I insulted.  
Just like before everything happened. Just like the old us. It's refreshing. I missed Freddie. I'm glad our friendship is jaunty again. It was too heavy for me.  
'Lemonade someone?' Carly asked.  
'Oh, umm... N-No thanks',' Thanks Carls' Freddie and I mumbled. Nobody likes Carly's lemonade, actually we kind of hate it, but we're never telling her because she'll get hurt.  
I crashed on the couch and turned the TV on. It was Carly's favorite movie.  
'Carly your favorite stupid movie is on' I screamed to her direction.  
Freddie came next to me. He scoffed as Carly came running and screaming.  
'The worst movie ever' Freddie said.  
'Right!?' I agreed.  
'Totally' He said.  
'Oh shut up both of you. Can't appreciate a good movie'. Carly said annoyed.  
And then was the sex scene.  
'Oh come on, this isn't even possible!' I said loudly.  
'Yeah Carly, listen to the expert' Freddie said with an amused face.  
I punched him on the shoulder but I chuckled because I knew he was just kidding.  
Suddenly, Carly had a phone call; she answered it and went to her room.  
We kept watching the movie. I looked at Freddie, and I saw he wasn't watching the TV at all, he looked down. I looked down and I saw he was looking at my hand. My sleeve was up and it was possible to see my cuts. He stared at it. I pulled my sleeve down. He immediately looked into my eyes. He had a sad look, but he was quiet. I knew he felt uncomfortable with the situation, but he hated the stress between us. So I can see he prefers to say nothing. But he wants to. He wants badly to say something. He wants to yell at me. To tell me I'm stupid, and that I don't need to harm myself. I know all of this already. I wanted to stop a few times before, but, well, I failed. It's stronger than me I guess.  
'I want a smoothie' I said to Freddie.  
'Wanna go?' He asked.  
'Indeed' I said. I yelled to Carly that we're going and she said she wants to come too.

OoOoOoO

'No T-bo, we don't want baloney on a stick' Carly said and rolled her eyes.  
Freddie chuckled and I took one.  
'Talk for yourself' I said to Carly.  
We sat there, drank our smoothies and talked about random stuff when we heard the ringing, announcing someone came into the store.  
He walked to the line for buying a smoothie. Carly poked my hand fast and called 'hottie guy alarm!' I looked back. _Crap_. That's Steve.  
He was my fuck buddy. Well, officially, he still is. I didn't see him for a few months because he went to California, to live with his dad, but still. What the fuck is he doing here?  
'I think I'm going to talk with him' Carly said excitedly.  
'Don't do… that' I said slowly.  
'Why?' Carly asked, confused.  
'Well, because, I don't think he fits for you' I said.  
'And why is that?' She asked.  
'Hell, I dunno. Just a feeling' I said.  
She stared at me a few more seconds with a confused look. 'Oh shut up Sam' she said, standing up and walking forward him. Freddie and I stared at them quietly.  
I couldn't hear what was going there, but something she said made him smile and then laugh. After a few minutes she pulled her pear phone from the back pocket and probably wrote his number.  
She smiled at him, and then came back to the table.  
'Number number number number' She whispered fast with a smile. I smiled at her and said 'Good work kiddo', but inside I was jealous as hell. He was MY fuck buddy. I mean, it's not like I'd care if he'd have a girlfriend, we don't need feelings for a good sex, but, first: it's Carly, not just a random girlfriend. I can't do this to her. And second: he'll never agree. In fact, he'll hate me for proposing this idea.  
So I'll need to find sex somewhere else I believe.

OoOoOoO

'Holly shit, we're so not should be doing this' I said heavy-breathily as he pressed me to the wall of his small and dark apartment.  
His mouth attacked mine. We fought for dominance. It was a rough, fast and deep kiss, because we didn't see each other for tone of time, and more important- we didn't kissed for more than a half-year.  
He left my mouth and went down to my neck. He kissed it and sucked it.  
'You'll get punched if you leave love-bites' I whispered bitterly, because I was unable to talk properly right now because of the lack of air.  
'I missed your bitterness' he whispered back.  
We kept kissing when I asked him 'What about Carly?'  
'Carly?' he asked, keeping his job with my neck.  
'Yeah. The girl from the groovy Smoothie today'.  
'we're just fucking. Carly is more for the emotional part' he said.  
'It's cheating' I said, and with that, the conversation ended.  
When he got to my collar bone I saw that he's dying to get rid of my shirt, because he was pulling it the lowest he could so he would have an access to my breasts.  
'Damn' I said as I pulled my shirt off, exposing my blue lacy bra. He put his hand on my right breast, staring at them.  
'God I missed you so much' he whispered so quietly that I almost thought he talked to himself.  
He started kissing my breasts, anywhere the bra wasn't hiding.  
He touched my nipple with one finger.  
'Holly shit' I groaned. He unbuttoned my jeans, pulling them down, leaving me with only my thong and bra. He took my leg and put it on his higher lap, touching my bare thigh everywhere while kissing me.  
'Damn, you're so smooth' he whispered, again, to himself.  
'I'm tired of those make out sessions. Let's go to the real thing' I said quietly.  
I jumped to his arms, putting my other leg on his lap.  
The closeness between my hot spot with his already hard erection made me shivers.  
He took me to the couch in his dark living room, knowing I hate doing it on the bed. Too romantic. Too soft. On the couch it's always rougher.

OoOoOoO

'Lord, it was heaven' Steve said breathily.  
'Indeed it was' I said.  
'We need to this more often' He said with a smirk.  
'Steve, what about Carly?' I asked worriedly.  
'She'll never know baby' he said and then hugged me from back.

Steve and I fucked, while he was officially dating my best friend.  
And here I am lying again.

* * *

**A\N**

**Sorry I cut out the lemon. I wanted the first lemon in the story to be Freddie and Sam's lemon. (Wink wink wink ;)  
Anyway, thanks for the reviews!**


	4. Drags and Bloods

**Chapter IV**  
**I do not own iCarly.  
**

* * *

'Hey Carls' I said with a sad smile.  
'What did you want to talk about?' Carly asked as she took my hand and sat me down on the couch.  
Just after I left Steve's house, I called Carly. I need to tell her. She's my fucking best friend. She would tell me. What am I talking about? She would never do something like this to me.  
'Umm... listen… it's about-'  
'Hey chicks' Freddie greeted as he came into the apartment.  
Carly stoop up and I groaned from frustration.  
'Everything is alright?' Freddie asked with a confused look on his face.  
'No it's cool' I said and Carly stared at me.  
'Later' I whispered to her.  
I went to the kitchen and took a bottle of soda from the fridge and then we heard Carly's texts ringtone. She looked at her phone and then she giggled and smiled.  
'Who is this?' I asked.  
'Steve' she answered with a smile.  
I just looked at her and blinked a few times.  
'I need to go' I said. I took my bag pack so fast that nobody was enough to react, got out from Carly's apartment, and climbed to the fire escape.  
I sat down there and looked over the busy road of Seattle.  
I hate this. I LOVE the sex with Steve and its fun because he knows me and knows what I love and wants, and I can be myself. And we're actually friends. But Carly likes him, and I can't do this to her.  
But he wants it too. He's coming and starting to kiss the hell out of me, and I can't resist. I don't want to resist.  
I lit a cigarette. I took a deep drag and took it out very slowly.  
I can't tell to Carly. She would break. It doesn't matter how much she likes Steve. It's the principle that we're talking about right now. We're best friends. I can't, just can't do it to her.  
But I did.  
I heard steps behind me. I looked back. It was Freddie.  
'Hey' I said quietly and took another drag.  
'Hello' he answered and sat next to me.  
'How did you know to find me here?' I asked.  
'I know you'. I smiled for this one.  
I took another drag. I saw Freddie staring at me with this sad look again, dying to open his mouth but keep it quiet.  
'Damn Freddie, say it' I said.  
'Say what?' he asked with a confused look.  
'That you're mad at me. That I'm stupid. That you feel like you don't know me. That I'm a bitch. Just spill everything out'.  
'But I don't feel like it' he said honestly. 'Sam, I don't mad at you and I don't think that you're stupid at all and I don't think anything from what you've just said. I'm worried about you, yes, because I'm hard to see you like that, but I trust you, and I know that you're smart. Don't feel like I'm disappointed from you' he finished.  
I wish I could do whatever I want without people being hurt and worried.  
I threw the cigarette on the floor and stepped on it with my shoe.  
I smiled a sad smile to him. The worst part is that he doesn't know about Steve.  
'I slept with Carly's date'. I said quietly.  
'You did what?' he asked fast.  
'I slept with Carly's date'. I said louder.  
'When?' he asked with a shocked face.  
'Since last year'. I said. 'Till yesterday'.  
'Yesterday?' he asked loudly.  
I lit up another cigarette.  
'God damnit, yes' I said, never looking in his eyes.  
Quiet. I took a drag.  
'Why Sam' he was more saying then asking.  
'You tell me' I said.  
Quiet. I took a drag.  
'You need to tell Carly' he said.  
'Never.' A drag.  
'You NEED to tell her' he said loudly.  
'Freddie, leave it' I said.  
'Why are you always doing it?' he asked. 'Ruining anything good?'  
'Do you think I'm proud of it?' I asked angrily.  
'I know you don't' He said.  
Drag.

OoOoOoO

I opened the door of my house quietly. My mom texted me that I need to come fast. Probably nothing.  
'Hello Sammy' she said.  
'Hi' I said, ready to run to my room, but she stopped me.  
'Not so fast little liar'. She said and came closer to me. 'Where is my money?' she asked.  
Oh fuck. I forgot to put the money I stole back in her wallet. I'm dead now.  
'W-what?' I asked.  
'I know you took it. What for is my question' She said.  
'I bought to Carly a present' I said.  
'Oh ok. That's great. And now the truth?'  
Damn. I can't lie to this woman. I can lie to every living creature, I can make a cat believe that I'm his cat mother. But to her I can't lie.  
'Cigarettes' I whispered.  
'You're worthless in everybody's life you know? All you do all day is smoking, complaining, breaking Carly's house or Freddie's important things. You're a burden. You're ruining our life. You ruined Melanie's. You ruined your dad's. They both left because of you. You're ruining mine. Carly's, Freddie's. Everybody is going to run away from you eventually for the rest of your life. Because you're a burden.' She said it so, so honestly, that it made me a big, huge pinch in my heart and lungs, and I was unable to breath.

I stood there with tears in my eyes. She was long gone. I don't know how many time I stood there. All was in my mind is that she's right.  
I can say easily: she wants to make me feel bad; I don't need to listen to anything she's saying. But she has a point.  
Melanie? I always made her feel so bad because I was jealous in her. My dad? I was the worst child he could ever wish for. Carly? I betrayed her. She deserves a lot better. Freddie? I'm making his life miserable. Since he saw my cuts and cigarettes, he lately has this sad look. He's thinking about it, he feel guilty, he's worried.  
I'm making their life hard. I'm a burden.  
I know exactly what to do. This will be hard for me because I love them soo much. But they will be better off me. I'm going to lose any connect with them. From now on, there's no Carly and Freddie.

I felt lonely. Miserable. My tears were standing in my throat. I wanted to cry them out, but they just stayed there and made me feel even worse. I felt depression.  
I went to my room. I looked to my sides. All of the memories with Carly and Freddie popped to my mind. I opened my closet. I saw Carly's jeans. I need to get rid of it.  
I opened the box and took my knife.  
I am a burden.  
I am worthless.  
The tears stood in my eyes.  
I got into the bathroom.  
I looked at the mirror. A burden.  
My eyes were swollen and red.  
My hair was a mess.  
Burden.  
I locked the door of the bathroom.  
I took the knife and pressed it to my hand.  
I am a burden. I am worthless.

_Blood._

* * *

**A\N**  
**WARNING: the next few chapters are going to be depressive.**  
**It's hard to read, it's very understandable.**  
**But don't worry, it will be over when it will be over. (which is soon)**  
**Promise. It's a good ending eventually.**  
**So be strong, and.. enjoy!**


	5. Past and Future- Part I

**Chapter V  
I do not own iCarly.  
Past and Future- Part I  
**

* * *

It all happened several weeks after I decided to lose contact with Carly and Freddie. At the start it was hard. I had to be cold and indifferent. It was heartbreaking. I had to look at my best friends' eyes and be apathetic. I then started to physically stay away from them. I walked around with other people, different people, even dressed differently, just to show them I have been changed.  
I didn't answer their calls or texts. I never came when they told me so.  
They called me a lot. They called me for iCarly rehearsals but I never came. Freddie came and shouted on me to come out from this coldness. But all I said was 'whatever' and then I ran to the bathroom and cried.  
Carly called every day, every hour.  
Until they gave up. It pained the most.  
The day Carly wasn't calling my name again at school, or saving me a seat in class.  
The iCarly webcast they weren't texting me 100 times to bring me there.  
The day Freddie wasn't coming to yell at me to be more like the old me.  
The day I saw Carly and Freddie walking in the school hallway, laughing and talking. When they acted like I never was there, like they never met me. When they gave up on me.

I cut a lot this time. Almost every day. My hands were full of scars and cuts. I moved to my legs. And then to my stomach. I felt useless. I was useless.  
I met a new girl. Her name is Sophie. She was a lot different from the kind of people I used to be with.  
She had lots of earrings and piercings. Everywhere. She left her parents' home, saying they are too stupid and old. She lived with her friends, somewhere which looked like a neglected and abandoned parking.  
She had a boyfriend. Mark. He was a jerk. He flirted with every human being. I said her she deserves better. She said she absolutely doesn't.  
I joined to live with them.  
There were Joh, Mark's friend, Ellet and Fill, friends of them, and now me and Sophie. We all lived there together. We had a tradition. Every night, we went to another public place, and ruined the hell out of it. I remember the night we went to my favorite park. The park I sat with Freddie every night on this specific bench. They knew it. They said to me this is stupid, I can't LIKE that park. This is lame. So that evening they brought me there, and told me to ruin it. Ruin it all. And I did. Because I was having no other options. We smoked all day. We got drunk. And we did basically nothing with our life. I was lonely. So lonely. I missed my old life. But I was afraid it was way too late.

OoOoOoO

The wind blew on my neck. It felt like ice on my skin. I sat alone next to the fire and tried to warm up.  
Fill, Ellet and Joh were sleeping from my right. On the left I saw Mark and Sophie making out.  
I looked straight. I wanted no connect with them now.  
It was very dark in here. Except of the fire light, it was total darkness.  
Suddenly I heard steps behind me. It was all blurry until I saw a shadow coming to my direction.  
He came closer until he was close enough so I could see him. He had a black hair and green eyes. He looks bigger, higher and older than me. He wore a black leather coat and blue jeans. He carried a bag on his back.  
'Can I sleep here?' he asked.  
'I don't care' I said indifferently.  
He came and sat next to me, close to the fire. We were quiet.  
'So you ran away from home?' he tried to start a conversation.  
'You?' I asked immediately.  
'Yes' he answered me.  
'Yes' I answered him.  
'A clear reason?' He asked.  
'No. You?' I asked, not really interested.  
'Not really' he said.

His name is Loren. He slept there that night. The day after Mark saw him. He took him for a conversation, the same I had with him. He's taking everyone who wants to come in that gang. The worst conversation I have ever had. He explains the rules and asking questions about our way of seeing the world. He wants to see we're desperate. He wants to see bitterness. Loneliness. Coldness.  
He got in. He started slowly being a big part of our gang. He had a word about places to be ruined, who got in and out. Loren always flirted with me. I turned him off every time, but he tried and tried over and over again. Meanwhile, the contact with Freddie and Carly seemed to be more and more disconnected.

'Hello there Sammy' he came way too closer to me.  
'Give up Loren' I said bitterly.  
We were sitting next to the fire. It was 2 am I guess. Every night I sat there. Alone. And from time to time, when he was awake, Loren came and sat next to me.  
He was fine. I never LOVED this person, but he was kind of fine. Better than all of the others.  
'Why are you here?' he asked me one night.  
'What?' I asked with a confused look.  
'What are you doing here?' he asked. 'You're normal. You shouldn't be here' he said honestly.  
'Long story' I answered.  
He took my hand and it felt comfortable so I didn't take it back. I swear that if it was less cold, I would take it away very fast.  
After a few more minutes he touched my chin and turned it to him. He got closer and closer. I was too tired to stop it. Our lips touched. It was a gentle kiss. After that kiss, we officially were together.  
I didn't love him.  
But I was less lonely that way.

With the time, things started to turn bad with Loren. He felt comfortable with me to be himself. Which was a bad thing. He was impulsive. Aggressive. Very pushy.

'I don't want Loren!' I screamed at him.  
'Shhhh' he treated me like a little girl. 'You don't know what you want' he said.  
He took my leg in his hand and touched it aggressively.  
'Your leg is so… Ugh, sexy' he said and bit his lower lip.  
'Leave me alone!' I screamed. I tried to fight back, but he was much stronger than me.  
'Leave it Loren!' I tried.  
'Shut up' he said and put a hand on my mouth. I tried to bit him, but it seems to be nothing for him.  
He took off me pants aggressively.  
'Stop!' I screamed and started crying. But he didn't care. It was the first time I cried next to someone.  
The time Loren raped me.

**A\N  
I want to say a few things.**

**I- This was the first part of the chapter. I don't know if you noticed, but this chapter's POV is different.**  
**Sam is telling the story from another point in time in the story (Future. You'll find out!) and having flashbacks.**  
**When the both timelines will be clashing, something special will happen and the regular POV is going to be active again.**

**_II- This chapter dedicated for my dear friend. She was in my head throughout the writing of this chapter. So this is for you, to show how much I appreciate you._**


	6. Past and Future- Part II

**Chapter V- Past and Future Part II**  
**I do not Own iCarly**

* * *

_I sat here. All alone. I looked around me. It looked a little bit familiar, but when I'm looking again, it's not that familiar. I'm grown up now. Not a child. It had a little bed, I mean a mattress. Tiny sink that I doubt it was working, dirty black floor, dark gray walls, and bars.  
_

**1 week before**

I walked in school. I searched Sophie or Loren with my eyes, but I didn't find them.  
I went to my locker. I opened it. Then Carly suddenly came behind me right to her locker. For the first time this month, I was so close to her.  
I saw she's opening her mouth to say something and I started to get really scared but then I felt Loren's hand on my lower (way too lower) back. So I turned around (just to save myself from Carly) caught his shirt and pulled him strongly and aggressively on me, my back hit the locker and I started kissing him roughly. I remember the first thought I had when we were kissing like that. Freddie's face flashed in my mind and I found myself trying to imagine it was Freddie I'm kissing. I really don't know why.  
When he grabbed my ass roughly I heard a big exhalation. I opened my eyes and pushed Loren away, and saw Freddie standing there with an open mouth and staring at us. His hand was clenched in a fist, and his leg was jumping. He was mad. I think he was mad at me.  
I pushed Loren away and went to the girl's bathroom.  
My hair was a mess. My lips were swollen. And my heart was beating way too fast.

OoOoOoOoO

I opened the door of my house and slammed it strongly behind me. I needed to take my last things I forgot to take when I left with Sophie and everyone. That was my plans. But after what happened with Freddie in school I was too upset.  
I ran to my room and slammed that door too. I started to yell in frustration. I walked from the corner to the other corner for thousand times, I threw my books and CD's, I broke the glass which was on my desk. I took out all the anger at myself, all the frustration.  
Then I heard my phone ringing. I hoped it was Freddie. I knew it wasn't. But somehow when I took it and read 'Loren' I felt disappointment.  
'Yes?' I said.  
'I need you to do something for me' he said.  
'What and where are you?' I asked him.  
'You'll see and down you apartment' he said.  
I hung up and went to see him.  
When I saw him he told me what he needed from me. I know it wasn't very fits to me to agree, but I was way too afraid from him. It was after the first time he tried to hit me. I learned to listen to him.  
So we drove his damn car, till we got to a store.  
'Get in that store, talk to the salesman. Show him what needs to be shown, and then take his keys. Convince him to go check something somewhere, and when he's gone, take the key, open the door of the office, take the damn money and run away' he explained.  
I went out of the car. I opened the door, hearing the ringing.  
'Hello' he said and then kept with whatever he was doing.  
I looked around for a few minutes to be reliable.  
'Do you need help?' he asked me.  
'Umm... actually yes' I said with a sweet voice and a smile.  
I went to counter and pressed my hands closer so he will have a full view of my boobs.  
'I can't find here what I'm looking for…' I said with a sad expression.  
'W-What are you looking for?' he asked, really trying not to look at them. I giggled.  
'Well… it's a 'Kid' CD... I will be so happy if I'll find it…' I said.  
'I'm so sorry; I don't have one' he said.  
'Maybe you'll have one in the warehouse? It happens a lot' I said, begging.  
'I'll go check but the prospects are low…' he said.  
In the second he left, I jumped to the other side of the counter, looking for the key. After a few seconds I found it on a low shelf under the counter.  
I took it and opened the door very fast. I got into the room. The safe was behind a photo. It was ridiculously easy. I finished my game opening it with another key in the bundle, taking all of the money into my bag and getting out of the door.  
Just when I was about to run out this room, the boy came back.  
He froze in his place for a few seconds. He thought that I didn't notice, but he pressed a button. I understood the police was in a minute away.  
I took my legs and ran out. I looked to my sides. Loren wasn't there. The road was so damn empty. He ran away.  
'That son of a bitch!' I said and then started to run. But then I heard the police and got panicked. It was right in front of me. I looked behind me. Empty. I changed my way and started running like I never ran. But then another police car came in front of me.  
_Crap.  
I gave up.  
The cops came to me.  
Took my bag and opened it.  
They took my aggressively.  
Handcuffed me and pushed me into the car.  
I wasn't fighting.  
The exhaustion from the last month kicked now.  
That cop told me the regular things. I have the right to remain silent. Everything I'll say will be used against me in court.  
I sat there with tears in my eyes and watched the way to the prison.  
I know the rules.  
The court hearing can take weeks. Months. I'll have to wait till then.  
Even then I'll turn guilty.  
So I gave up._

_And that's how I got here.  
I sat here. All alone. I looked around me. It looked a little bit familiar, but when I'm looking again, it's not that familiar. I'm grown up now. Not a child. It had a little bed, I mean a mattress. Tiny sink that I doubt it was working, dirty black floor, dark gray walls, and bars._

FREDDIE'S POV

I got out of my car. I hate my mom for forcing me coming here every time.  
I walked through the gate and the guard asked for an ID.  
I got into the building and went to the reception.  
'Welcome to 'King County' jail, do you need any help?' the woman asked nicely.  
'Yes. I came to visit Martha Jacklehide'. That is my mother's sister. Before two years something happened to her and she literally lost her mind. I still believe this is something which went through family. They put her here because she can be dangerous sometimes.  
'Family?' she asked.  
'Yes' I simply answered.  
'Wait a second' she said.  
And then a conversation of two cops who sat and drank coffee caught my ear.  
'did you saw her? So young. I think she's 17-18, not older than that, not in a minute' one cop said.  
'Yeah, this is so sad. She's going to have a lot of time in this place' the other one said sadly.  
'What was her name you said?' he asked him.  
'Umm...' he took out from his pocket a little paper. 'Sam… Puckett'.

* * *

**A\N-**  
**First Freddie's POV!**  
**It's not going to happen a lot, but now I just had to.**  
**So for those who didn't understand (it's ok, I probably wrote it very fuzzy and confused):**  
**In the last two chapters- V part I and V part II, Sam told us the story from another point in time.**  
**She told us the story of the last month and how did she get to where she is now.**  
**Which is prison.**  
**And now Freddie is there to save her don't worry!**

Thanks for the reviews!


	7. Breakdowns and Nakedness

**Chapter VI- Breakdowns and Nakedness.**  
**I do not own iCarly.**

* * *

**Sam's POV**

I wanted to go out so badly. I felt so claustrophobic. But the sad thing is I have nowhere to go.  
I don't want any connect with Loren anymore.  
I can't go to Carly or Freddie, because I decided something, so I need to stand it.  
I can't go home because my mom is there and I left that too.  
All I have is this damn jail.  
Suddenly the prison guard came and opened the bars. I gave him a confused expression.  
'You have a visitor Samantha Puckett' he said bitterly.  
'Visitor?' I asked. 'I have no visitors'.  
He didn't replay. Just took my hand and pulled me after him.  
He pulled me down the hall which leads to a closed room and I expected to find Loren in there. That motherfucker.  
'I don't want any visitors!' I said loudly but he just ignored me.  
He put me in front of the door. 'You have 30 minutes' he said and stood down the hall waiting for me to open the door.  
I groaned and opened the door to see Freddie sitting nervously on the chair. In the second I opened the door his gaze shot up on me. I froze in my place. I stood there with opened mouth and wide eyes. Freddie? What the hell is he doing here?  
'Sam!' he said loudly and came closer to me.  
I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. He was so damn close and I just wanted to hug him and cry on his shoulder, but I can't. I can't let myself be close to him again.  
He came to hug me but I took a step back.  
'Sam please don't do that' he said. I saw he was exhausted. I saw the sadness in his eyes. Am I not far enough? How can I hurt him if I'm that far away?  
I took another step back and my back hit the closed door.  
The tears stood in my throat. I wanted to cry. But I hold it. I can't cry.  
'Sam I know you too well. Why are you doing this? You don't want this. You don't need this. I knew every time you cried in the girl's bathroom. I know when you're about to cry. And I know when you force yourself into something you don't want to do. When you resist yourself. Like that job you got last year, or like when you want to punch someone but you hold on, or like when you want to yell at my mother. You don't want this' he said honestly and came one step closer.  
I looked down. This was my breakdown. I couldn't hold it in anymore. My hair was on my face so he couldn't see me. My tears started to go down. I didn't want him to see me crying.  
'Sam? Look at me' he said and tried to take my hair off of my face.  
He couldn't see me crying.  
I took the step which was between us, wrapped my hands around his neck and hugged him.  
It took him a few seconds to realize what is going on, but when he understood he wrapped his hands around my waists and hugged me so close. After I sobbed once on his shoulder he hugged me even closer if that was possible. I cried into his neck. My tears just burst down and down.  
'Come with me, I'll let you out' he said softly. I wiped off my tears.  
'I- I can't…' I said quietly.  
'Why? Is that has any connect to Loren?' he asked angrily.  
'No!' I said.  
'So why then?' he asked.  
'I just can't' I said.  
'Come on; let's get you out from here. Then we will see' he said and took my hand.  
'Freddie I can't!' I yelled and pulled my hand. 'I can't be with you' I said quietly.  
'Please Sam, at least explain me' he begged.  
'Y-you're better off me' I whispered.  
'That's what you think Sam?' he said sadly.  
Quiet.  
'I can't pass the day without your insults and our pointless conversations. My life is heavy like a rock without your humor and your junky personality which always makes my day. I miss hanging out with you, I miss telling you stories, I miss playing meatgolf with you, I miss you.  
You're my best friend, how comes you think I'm better off without you?' he asked.  
'My mom said- '  
'Who cares what your mom is saying?' he asked.  
'I'm hurting every person which is close to me' I said and the tears came back to my eyes.  
'That's not true. You're hurting me when you're staying away'.  
Quiet.

OoOoOoO

I waited while he opened the door of his apartment.  
'Freddie I can't stay at yours' I said.  
'Of course you can! My mom is not here and anyway you have nowhere to go' he said.  
'True, but I can't just… live with you' I said.  
'Why not?' he said. I was quiet so he turned around, smirked at me and opened the door.  
'Welcome ma'am, this is the Benson's residence, if you'll need any help or service you're more than welcomed to come to me' he said with a smile.  
'I've already been here douchebag' I chuckled. I think it's the first time I smiled or chuckled this month.  
'Come with me' he said and went to his room.  
'That's your room for the next period, this is the bed' he said and pointed his double bed. 'This is the table and computer' he pointed to the table direction. 'And this is the bathroom' he said and pointed to a door in his room. 'You better use it. You're not going to sleep in my bed when you're like… this' he said and pointed on me and then chuckled.  
I punched him on his shoulder. 'Forever and ever I'll be prettier and smelling better than you fudge face' I laughed.  
'You wish Puckett' he said and punched me on the shoulder.  
My eyes got widen.  
'What did you just do?' I asked loudly.  
'Shit' he yelled and ran away from his room. I ran after him. He was hiding behind the counter, and I came and tried to catch him but he ran again to his mother room.  
I came in and saw him looking out of the window, probably trying to get away. I came behind him silently and when I was close enough I jumped on his back. He got panicked and tried to make me fall off of him, but I hold him very strongly. Eventually he succeeded to drop me on his mother bed.  
'EW EW EW EW EW' I screamed and jumped out of her bed. 'Crazy's bed!' I screamed.  
'What is so wrong?' he grinned.  
'Seriously? She's probably doing her… things over here' I said and shivered.  
'Oh god Sam why?!' he screamed and punched me.  
'WOAH Freddie you're getting a little bit too confident!' I screamed while he was already running for his life and I was after him.  
We kept fighting like this for long time until we found ourselves sitting on his couch, breathless and tired from fighting. 'I'm going to shower' I said, got up and stretched.  
'It's about time Puckett' he said.  
I simply punched him and went on my way while I heard him groaning from pain behind me.  
'You deserved it!' I said and got into the shower.

Freddie's POV

I sat on the couch while Sam was taking a shower.  
I can't believe she did all that because she thought she was hurting us. It was noble and ridiculous at the same time. I feel upset just from thinking about all of the pain she went through. I want her to be happy. I want her to recover. I want to kiss all of her cuts till they will disappear forever.  
But she seems kind of fine now. I don't want to bring that up tonight. We'll just eat dinner, watch a movie or something and then go to sleep. Talking is tomorrow.  
I need to change before. Damn, Sam is sleeping in my room. So I'll just take my things while she's taking the shower and then I'll leave her alone.  
I got up slowly because I was tired and walked like an old man. Seriously. It took my five minutes to get to my room's door instead of five seconds. I need to sleep.  
I opened the door slowly. I heard a little scream so I moved my gaze from my legs.  
I saw Sam. She was standing in front of me, fully naked. It took me a second and a half to realize and shot the door rights away. I felt the heat in my lower places going to my cheeks.  
I. Saw. Sam. Naked.

* * *

**A\N- I'm sorry for the chizzness, it just had to be said. There will be one more chizzy conversation with Carly, and then it will be over.**  
**I'll shut up now...**


	8. Author's Note

**A\N-Well hello there guys. I know you expected for a brand new chapter, but I unfortunately need to disappoint you.**  
**I'm not going to be home for the next 5 days, which say I probably won't update.**  
**I tried real hard to update almost every day till now, but life's not always let me.**  
**And anyway, I just watched iGoodbye, and I'm really broken. I'm trying to focus on reading happy-endings Seddie fics now, something which my own fic is not really allowing now.**  
**I know its sucks because I stopped at some rubbish timing (Freddie seeing Sam naked…), I hate authors who do that, but I have to. Good thing is I started the next chapter so it's something about 30 minutes till I'll finish it. Maybe I'll be able doing it.**  
**Anywho, _review_, and, well, thanks for waiting! I'll be back soon!**

**Oh and speaking of which, I wanted to say you're always welcomed to PM me whenever you like, for opinions or _ideas_ or even just to talk.**  
**Talk is something life always let me.**


	9. Memories and Conversations

**Chapter VII- Memories and Conversations**  
**I do not own iCarly.**

* * *

This moment replayed in my mind for already five minutes without stopping.  
How I walked slowly, opened the door, and saw Sam standing in front of me, full with all of her goodies, trying to escape my gaze.  
I'm fully awake now. Sam Puckett is absolutely perfect. Her perfect boobs… above all of her beautiful curves which is just in place…above her perfect legs, noteworthy- her perfect thighs… Control yourself Fredward Benson! This is Sam Puckett, your best friend, you're talking about! You can't look at her that way! But she's so fucking gorgeous, the way her skin is so smooth... Shut up now! Before you'll have a boner!  
Chizz. I need a cold shower.  
I think I'll go to my mother's bathroom. After what Sam said… well… it doesn't seems like the best choice, because I have no goddamn idea what the hell is she doing right there.  
But I can't let Sam know I find her attractive. So I took my clothes and got into the shower.  
After 10 minutes of trying desperately not thinking about her, I just gave up and started with some hand job. No choice.

OoOoOoO

'Umm... I'm sorry-' I mumbled, trying to be as less awkward as I can.  
She just chuckled and punched my arm. I gave her a confused look.  
'Stop act like a pussy and just admit how gorgeous my boobs are' she said, amused.  
'Your boobs are gorgeous, Puckett' I said even more amused, just because I know she didn't except that one.

The day went by and I really and truly thought it was behind us, but I found myself thinking about it constantly. I even dream about us… going serious. I woke up with the biggest boner in world, and more than ever- wanting Sam.  
'Hey Freddie?' Sam said quietly. When I was busy in my thoughts about getting sexual with Sam, I missed the fact she's extremely quiet and not even eating.  
'Yes?' I asked and got closer now. All of the horniness went away. She needs me now.  
'Umm… do you- I want to, I mean- UGH Damnit' she gave up. 'I need to go talk to Carly'.  
'And?' I asked like a dumbass and just then I realized. She's afraid.  
'Well… I'm scared' she said.  
'Scared from what? This is Carly!' I said.  
'I know, I know' she said. 'Which is making me even more stupid for being scared. But I am' she said. 'I'm afraid she won't understand. That she'll think mad things like I don't care about her or something. That she won't agree to be a friend of mine again' she finished quietly.  
'That won't happen Sam. Carly loves you too much for doing it. I'm sure you'll need to give her a few explanations. But she won't be mad. Trust me' I said. 'Wanna go now?' I asked.  
'I do. But what if-' she started. 'Hey! No! Everything is going to be alright. Really. Don't worry' I looked deeply in her eyes.

OoOoOoO

I tried to bring myself knocking the damn door but all I did was standing there for 10 fucking minutes. She is my best friend for god sake!  
Ok... I just need to stay calm and remember what Freddie said. After a few more minutes, I finally knocked.  
After a second or two the door opened and Spencer laid his eyes on me.  
'Hey kiddo!' he said with over excitement.  
'Hey Spence' I said quietly. He moved from the door way, letting me come inside.  
'Something is wrong huh?' he asked.  
'Nuh… I just came to talk to Carly' I said. 'Well... I'm pretty sure Carly said you're not the same Sam and not her friend anymore' he said slowly with a confused look.  
My heart ached. 'Yeah… this is the reason I'm here' I said. 'Carly's home?' I asked.  
'Actually no, but she supposed to be here in a few minutes. Wait for her. Do you want to drink something meanwhile?' he asked. 'I can bring myself drinks and foods in here Spence' I chuckled. 'Oh. Right' he said, looked at me with a confused look for one more second, and disappeared.  
I'm so nervous. But I need to remember what Freddie said. Everything is going to be just fine. We were best friends and made-up before. I know what to do.  
Suddenly, the Shay's door opened and I laid my eyes on Carly. My breath stayed in my throat. I shouldn't be so nervous for god sake!  
'S-Sam?' she asked with a very, very confused look.  
'Indeed' Stupid, stupid Sam!  
'I-I came to apologize' I said and looked on my feet.  
'Apologize?' she asked. I looked at her with a certain gaze and I guess she then understood because she said 'Oh… apologize' she said quietly.  
'Look Carly,' I saw she was quiet so I took it as a permission.  
'After a few conversations with Freddie and my mother… I understood I'm making your both life harder. You two are smart and good people and students, and you really deserve better friends, which won't get you into troubles, and won't… lie to you… and betray you. What I'm trying to say is that I really thought that leaving is doing a favor to my best friends' I took a long breath and felt the tears in my throat. I kept going.  
'After everything that happened… well… I kind of realized I had it all wrong. You're my best friends, I need you guys. I miss you, and I miss being with you, and I'm… I'm sorry, very truly sorry for leaving you, and for actually getting you in troubles and everything'. I finished.  
She looked at me for a few more seconds, as if considering her words.  
'Listen Sam… You're my best friend. I know you more than anybody, I'm helping you when you need me and same with you, and I trust you with my life. To be honest, leaving like that was… mean. Real mean. I thought that we had a better friendship than that. I thought you'll feel comfortable to say what you think, to explain yourself. But I also know how good your personality is, and that you don't want to hurt me or neither Freddie. It came from a good place and that I can say for sure. I don't want you to feel like that' she said and came closer to me. 'I want you to know how important you are to me. You're my best friend Sam, this is not just. I hope you understand now how stupid mistake it was?' she asked and looked directly in my eyes. Carly has that way looking at me. Like with knifes in her eyes, penetrating all of me right to my freaking goddamn brain and making me understand.  
'Yes. I'm sorry Carly. You're the best friend I could ever ask for' I said and hugged her close.  
_I hope everything will be normal now._

* * *

__

**A\N-**  
**I'm sorry**** f****or**** the long time, but I'm back! **  
**It was short, yeah, but look how many things happened! first, Freddie is keeping with his beautiful desire to Sam. Second, we actually finished with the Carly thing. I'm happy I'm over it.**  
**Anyway, till next time!**  
**Leave a review :3**


	10. foods and Movies

**Chapter VIII- Foods and Movies.  
I do not own iCarly.**

**A\N- I wrote this chapter listening to 'Superman- Moi'. If you want to feel the full emotions in this chap... Well… listen to it! Enjoy.**

* * *

_I hope everything will be normal now**.**_

'Umm... Carly' I said, pulling out of the hug. 'There are a few things I need to tell you. I feel so bad because you don't deserve it. But before I tell you everything, I need you to know how much you important to me. I'm so sorry' I said.  
'What are you talking about?' she asked with a confused look in her eyes.  
I took her hand and grabbed her to the couch. After a few seconds of silent I opened my mouth.  
'Ok… this is hard for me… umm…' I considered my words. 'Before everything happened, Freddie found in my bag… cigarettes' I said quietly and looked down. She was quiet. She let me finish before yelling at me. I love her so much!  
'They were mine if you have any doubts. I couldn't tell you or Freddie because I was too afraid. But I'm so sorry. If it bothers you, I decided to stop' I took a long breath and finally looked in her eyes. She looked sad, but not mad.  
'I'll let you finish' she said quickly, like scared she won't be able to stop herself from talking.  
'Thanks. Anyway, next thing he found is… this' I took my sleeve up and showed my scars. No more cuts, just scars, which I proud of. 2 weeks without it.  
I looked at her now. She bit her lip hard, and tears were in her eyes. She tried hard not to say something.  
'Next thing is my mom. She said to me that I'm making your both life miserable, which was easy to believe. After everything that Freddie found out, he looked… sad, broken, and actually miserable. I believed her' and that was my longest break, because here comes the worst part.  
'And well...about you' I said and looked at her. She looked curious. 'I know Steve for a few months already. Actually… he was my fuck buddy' I looked at her to see her reaction. She looked surprised. 'He… still is' I said quietly. 'I mean… just one time' I said and looked down. I couldn't look at her eyes.  
'You did what?' she asked. I couldn't understand what her voice was saying.  
'That day you met Steve, I… kind of… hooked up with him. I'm so sorry' I said quietly.  
'You… why would you- I mean… how could… when-' she tried, but she had nothing to say. I understood her. 'I turned out to be a horrible friend, not the one you deserves' I looked at her eyes. 'And I will really understand if you'll be mad and not able to trust me and forgive me, but I can say this- I never ever in my life was so sorry about a thing. If I could take the time back, I would, I would change it, and I'm so, so very sorry' I said and felt the tears in my eyes. She was just quiet. The silent in the room pained me like thousands knifes going through me. It was scary. I started to be nervous. Which reason in world she has to forgive me? Man… I can't forgive myself!  
'Say something Carls… please' I begged.  
'I have nothing to say…' she said and looked at me. She wasn't mad. She was disappointed.  
'Say what you feel. It's ok' I said.  
'I feel… disappointed. I know you had a terrible period which I wasn't even aware to…' she took my scarred hand and looked at it. 'I wish I could help you that time, I wish I could be a part of it' she said and let my hand go and looked deeply in my eyes.  
'I can't say I'm not surprised or feels betrayed. You're my best friend for goddamn sake, you supposed to tell me, not to go behind my back and sleep with my date' she said, and she looked lost. Again, not mad, not mad at all actually.  
'I would have understood. I would have helped you. To be honest Sam- I can't be mad at you because you're too important to me. I can't see those scars and be mad at you. You've been through something. I know you; I know how vulnerable you are, though you're trying hard to hide it. But you're strong too. Actually, the strongest person I have ever met, and I know that being so… week, so week that you're harming yourself… its killing you. You're not happy with this. And I want you to be happy Sam, more than I like Steve, more than I can pity myself now; I want you to be happy. I do trust you, don't get it wrong, yeah, it hurts to see you going like that behind my back. But I love you so much, that… yeah, I can find a place in my heart to forgive you' she said and gave me a tiny smile. A tear was sliding down my cheek.  
_Carly is such a good friend. Such a good person.  
_'Carly… I don't know what to say… I don't have the words in my mouth to thank you for being here for me…' I started crying more.  
'Come here Sam' she said and hugged me close. We just sat like that on the couch for a few more minutes.

OoOoOoO

I started being worried. Sam is there for a lot of time already. I know she had a lot of things to explain to Carly… but now Sam's fears were attacking me too.  
What if Carly won't find a place to forgive Sam? No one can blame her for that… but what if? Everything will be gone. iCarly, the great times we're hanging out, our friendship. Everything will be weird. And Sam will break. She needs Carly, if she knows it or not, she does. And Carly needs Sam. They're like… two parts of the puzzle. If they will be apart, everything will be gone. One of them will be lost somewhere, maybe both of them. That's what happened to the puzzle eventually if you don't get all of the pieces together.  
I started to panicked. I decided to watch my favorite show 'Celebrities Underwater' in the mean time, but I didn't pay attention to the TV. It could have been closed, and I swear to god I wouldn't notice.  
Suddenly the door shot opened. I saw Sam standing there with red eyes, looked like she was crying, but with happiness in her eyes. Confusing…  
I stood up rights away.

'What happened?' he asked me. Oh Freddie…  
'You're more nervous than I was chizz' I said and came into the apartment.  
'Can you blame me?' He asked me.  
'Actually- no' I said and smiled at him.  
'So?' he asked me. 'What did she say?' he asked loudly.  
'Calm your tits!' I said and smiled at him. I took a place on his couch, and right after me; he sat down and just stared at me, saying nothing.  
'She forgiven me' I said and smiled at him. I saw the happiness pull all over him and he hugged me tightly.  
'I told you Sam!' he said with a grin on his face. 'So where is Carly?' he asked.  
'She said she'll be here in a minute. It's ok right?' I asked.  
'Of course!' he said with a smile. 'What can we do to celebrate?' he asked  
'Food?' I suggested. 'Movies and foods?' he suggested after me.  
'Sounds awesome!' I said while going to take the regular movie from the shelf next to his TV.  
'I'll order Chinese while you'll stream the regular movie?' he smiled at me.  
'Butterfly Effect?' I asked him for being sure.  
'Like always' he said and took his phone out of his pocket.  
Butterfly Effect is our favorite movie to watch. Carly, Freddie and I always watched it together.  
And we indeed watch it that night.

* * *

**A\N- Hey there people. Isn't Carly simply wonderful? I love Cam friendship. Fucking incredible! They're cute in ways I can even explain. Something about the difference between them but still the way they're going along just makes me want to kiss and hug every human being on earth.**

**Anyway, I'm sorry for the pointless chapters lately. (I feel like they're pointless. Don't you feel like they're pointless?) But to be honest, only the reviews make me want to actually write. So go for it ;)**  
**Thanks for reading anyway!**


	11. Moans And Fights

**Chapter IO-**  
**Moans And Fights**  
**I Do Not Own iCarly.  
**

* * *

I woke up to weird sounds, very weird. I was sleeping at Freddie's. I guess I fell asleep when we watched the movie, and somehow I got here. But I believe next night I'll sleep at Carly's.  
Anyway, there were very weird sounds. I couldn't explain them. Something between mumbling and gasps and load breathing, and all of them together.  
I looked at my phone. It was 4am. 4AM IN THE FREAKING MORNING! I'm going to punch the hell out of the son of a bitch who woke mama up!  
I jumped heavily out of Freddie's bed, and went to the living room with heavy and slow steps.  
When I got there I looked to my sides. Nothing. Just one big bunch of nothing. Darkness. Typical night. But then I realized that Freddie is the one who makes those weird noises. Damn that boy! I'm going to wake him up and tell him to shut the fuck up!  
I came over the couch and looked at him. He was sweaty and feisty. Weird. I kneeled in front of the couch, and when I was about to punch him, a brilliant and evil idea popped to my mind. Let's mess with him. Maybe I'll know what he's dreaming about.  
I managed my sexiest and roughest voice (it's still 4am in the morning…). 'Freddie…?' I whispered to his ear. 'Freddie…' I whispered roughly again. And then I heard the reaction I didn't expect to hear. 'More… Sam…' he whispered at me, and I saw he was completely asleep.  
'How more Freddie?' I asked with the same sexy voice. What the fuck is he dreaming about?  
'I want to be inside you…' he whispered and gasped. My eyes went wind and my jaw dropped open. What the… he want to be inside me? Maybe it's not what I'm thinking.  
But then he said 'I want to feel you around my dick…' and there I was dead.

OoOoOoO

I woke up in the morning (this time I mean 10am and not 4am…) with the biggest smile on earth. Today I'm going to tease Freddie. This is going to be so goddamn good. I smelled bacon and coffee and jumped out of bed. I went to Freddie's closet, and took the biggest T-shirt I could find. I put it on, took off my boxers (Freddie's boxers) so I was now just with my lacy boy shorts and Freddie's shirt which covered me just to my higher thigh, and the rest was completely bare.  
When I came to the kitchen I saw Freddie standing with his back to me and cooking. I would love to see his face when he'll look at me like that. I looked at the table. I saw two coffee mugs. Great.  
'Morning' I greeted and he turned around immediately, looks nervous than ever. Fucking great. 'Good morning' he said quietly.  
I came in front of the counter so he could see me. He looked at me and after less than a minute his face was all red and his gaze shot to the bacon on the pan. I couldn't stop myself from chuckling a little.  
'Mmm… this bacon smells so good' I took a little piece of it from the pan. 'I want this bacon inside me…' I said, closed my eyes and pushed it into my mouth slowly.  
The boy was redder than my aunt's rash. Seriously. I knew that doing it to him will be so good.  
I took a seat next to the table and took a sip from my coffee. He sat next to me and we started to eat our bacon and eggs, and I was trying to moan and gasp throughout the whole time.  
After we finished eating he went to the living room and threw himself on the couch and I followed him. When he made himself comfortable on the couch, I came and jumped on his laps.  
'Sam!' he frowned. I chuckled. 'You need to make me feel convenient!' I said playfully and he scoffed.  
I moved my hips slowly against him, trying to make myself a convenient seat, just like a little cat. 'You're not a comfortable seat!' I frowned and grind my hips harder against his, until he put one hand on my thigh, making me stop moving.  
'You really should stop' he said quietly. Ha ha ha Benson! That's what you get for waking mama up! 'Stop doing what?' I asked with an innocent look.  
'T-this…' he looked at my thighs. 'Why?' I asked.  
'Because…' he breathed heavily. 'I'm a teenaged guy… and you're a half-naked girl… and well… that doesn't go so well together'. I chuckled for this one.  
'Ok douchebag' I said, punched his arm and got up. 'Next time, control your needs and don't wake me up at 4 AM' I said playfully.  
'W-what?' he mumbled.  
'You heard me' I smirked. 'Damnit' he whispered. 'I'm… s-sorry' he said slowly.  
'Nuh it's ok, I'm anyway going to Carly's tonight. You can imagine what I'm wearing or not wearing alone, I won't be bothering you anymore' I chuckled and he choked up which made me laugh even harder. 'God I love it' I said while laughing.

OoOoOoOo

_'Hey Carls, want go to a movie with me and Freddie?' _I asked Carly on the phone.  
'Sure, be there in a minute' she said.  
'Sweet' I said and hung up.  
'She's coming' I yelled at Freddie which was in the shower right now.  
'O-oh.. you're still h-here?' he asked nervously from the shower.  
'Oh god yes' I said, understanding that he's probably jerking off right now while speaking to me and even worse- thinking about me while doing it. But the worst from all- god knows why, it turns me on so badly I want to come in there and complete the work. Sam Puckett! Control yourself you dirty little horny bitch! Damn, I'm out of here.

* * *

'Wow. The worst movie ever' Freddie announced.  
'Totally. Last time you're choosing Carls, sorry.' I agreed.  
'Hey! It wasn't that bad and anyway, how could I know?!' she defended herself.  
'I told you that a movie about a girl who is falling in love with her teacher can't be more than a cheesy cheap suck movie. It really can't' I said playfully.  
'Whatever, I'm going to bring us more coke. Wait for me outside' Carly said and with that she was gone. 'Let's go' I grabbed Freddie's hand and started to skip outside the cinema.  
'Dang, it's cold' I said and he nodded in agreement.  
'Let's go to there, I think there will be no wind in there'. It was a dark alley\tunnel next to the cinema.  
'Carly is probably looking for us' I said to Freddie.  
'I'll go see where she is' he said and then I was all alone.  
Damnit, so cold. I can feel the coldness touching my bones, seriously. But at least there was no wind in here.  
'Puckett Puckett Puckett' I heard a familiar voice echoing the tunnel. I turned around to see Loren coming closer to me. 'You've got to be kidding me' I mumbled.  
'Not kidding' he raised his arms, like defending himself.  
'Where are your stupid friends huh?' he said with a smile, a smile that scared me more than all. 'What do you want?' I spat.  
'Nothing. Just you' he said with the same smile, as I saw a bunch of something like 5-6 guys coming behind him.  
'Shit' I turned around quickly to run but he grabbed my hand and it was too late.  
He pushed me hardly to the wall and pushed himself against me. I almost wasn't trying to resist because I already knew I had no chance. His friends came. I felt someone touching my ass and the tears stood in my throat, making it hard to breath.  
Loren grinded himself against me and it made me feel sick. I saw one of his friend's fist coming close to my face just as Loren fell to the ground and I saw Freddie's angry face. He paralyzed him. The boy learned something from mama! Damn, I love him!  
One of his friends punched Freddie in the eye.  
He stumbled back but after a few seconds Freddie punched his jaw and he fell back.  
One of them came to me and because of Freddie I felt strong, I felt un-winnable, invincibility. So I punched his eye and kicked his crotch as hard as I could. He fell on the ground, groaning from pain. Freddie paralyzed another two guys after one of them punched Freddie's jaw and the other one stood behind of him, planning on kicking him until death.  
The last one who wasn't bruised or harmed came to me and whispered in my ear 'They're all protecting you and saving you, thinking you're so damn innocent' he spat between his teethes. 'But I know the truth Puckett, and a lie has no legs' he said, gave me another look that I couldn't understand, and run away. Freddie started to run after him, but he already was gone and Freddie gave up. 'Damnit, he ran away!' he said angrily.  
My jaw was dropped and my eyes widened. I was shocked. My gaze freezed on the damn wall, and I couldn't move it away. Thinking about what he said made me shiver.  
'What did he said to you?' Freddie asked, coming closer, touching my shoulder, probably thinking I was shocked from the whole situation, but the truth is the only thing that was in my mind is his sentence. "Lie has no legs".  
'Nothing, just saying he will...come after me or something' I said, still looking at this stupid spot at the wall in front of me.  
Freddie hugged me, and that was when I heard someone running from my side. I saw Carly running like crazy to me and hugging me close.  
'Are you okay?! Freddie I hate you for telling me to stay there, I was fucking freaking out! What the hell happened to them?!' she yelled, pointing at the 5 bodies on the floor a few meters from us.  
'They attacked Sam. I helped' Freddie said shortly.  
'I just want to go home' I said quietly.  
'Of course!' Freddie said immediately. He put his coat on me and dragged me to his car.  
He dropped Carly first, which gave me a kiss on the cheek before she got out. 'Talk to me Sam' she said worriedly and got out. And then we got to my house.  
'Thank you Freddie' I said quietly before getting out. 'I really appreciate it' I said with a little sad smile.  
'Of course, just promise you'll be okay and won't shut down like last time' he said, holding my hand.  
'Never again' I said and gave him a little kiss on the cheek before getting out. _I need to clear my thoughts._

* * *

__**A\N- Well hello there buddies! I'm back! I'm so sorry for leaving like that, but now I have sort of plenty of time, because of summer break and everything, so I'm sorry, but at least I'm back!**  
**Hope you ike it.**


End file.
